I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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