How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
