i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
