Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize