who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
