You're my little dorito
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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