after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
