I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
