before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
