she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
