Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
