I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
