dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
