I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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