doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
