Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
