hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
