i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
