escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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