whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
