The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
