member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
