did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
