Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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