Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
