Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
