dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
