marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
