I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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