My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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