I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize