Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
