My room smells like vodka and shame
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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