I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
