I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
