you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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