i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
