Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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