i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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