No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so let's talk penis.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This can only be settled by a dance off.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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