i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
