I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
