Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
