i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize