If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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