Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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