Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
