Life is so much better after having sex.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
