I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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