I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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