I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Send help, water and tortillas.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
