we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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