Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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