how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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