The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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