Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize