i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Farmville is her only friend.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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