What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
