Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
