I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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