I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
