I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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