Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
