What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
