I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
