Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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