He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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