Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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