I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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