We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
