Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
