i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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