I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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