Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
