are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
