Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
