I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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