I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
