So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Vodka?
Forever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
