the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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