Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Boobs speak an international language.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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