It was confusing and full of hummus
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
