3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
