I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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