Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
