It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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