I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
