I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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