nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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