I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize